1/2/2003
by Seona Bellamy

Having read articles and other tidbits on this site about women who are brought into gaming by their significant other, I felt compelled to write this article to express the other side of the situation. Herein lies, first and foremost, the tale of a young girl who found role-playing all on her own. It may also contain tips for other budding female role-players. Then again, it may not. We shall see.

I first heard of role-playing from a couple of (much older) friends who used to play D&D in their own youth. It sounded pretty cool, and fitted well with my love of fantasy and storytelling. Then I started university and lo, found that there was a role-playing social club there. I promptly joined it. I should probably point out here that we are probably most male gamers’ dream come true: an incredibly high percentage of the active membership is female. So I settled into the club, ran for the position of Publications Officer (and got it) at the Annual General Meeting, and was soon asked to join a gaming group.

It made me laugh to read the articles I’ve seen here on female gamers though, since for me the situation was exactly the reverse: when I started role-playing, my other half at the time was dead-set against role-playing in any way, form or manner. He had an unfortunate habit of making generalizations, and since the few role-players he had met were pretentious wankers he decided that all role-players were pretentious wankers. He managed to deal with the fact that I was one by ignoring it as much as possible, and there was no way I would ever have suggested that he join any of my gaming groups. I doubt it would have been any fun for anyone involved. As it is, he left me (although not over role-playing) and I’m now with a guy I met through the role-playing club. I’ve found that if you’re going to have a hobby as time and energy consuming as role-playing, then life is a lot easier when your partner shares your interest. From a couple of conversations we’ve had on the subject, I believe that opinion is mutual.

Anyway, I started role-playing four years ago. Since then I’ve played in a number of different games, both short-term and longer campaigns, and have loved it sincerely. So what was it like for me to start role-playing? Well, I suppose I was helped a bit in that the club I belonged to had a high ratio of female members, as I mentioned already. There were never any issues with being looked down on because of my gender, and there were plenty of people willing to help me learn. I will admit that I always played, and still do, for the actual ‘role-playing’ rather than the rules or game mechanics. I still rely on helpful friends whenever my characters go up a level, although I’ve been forced to learn a little recently since I started creating a site for one of the games I’m in. Oh, and my boyfriend keeps threatening to buy me my own PHB. *grin*

One of the true attractions of role-playing for me was always the idea of getting to go off for a few hours a week and be someone else. It’s not that I hate my life or anything, but when there’s so many things I have to remember and worry about it can be nice to be able to put all that aside for a while and concentrate on the problems of a fictional character. And given some of the situations we’ve been in, it’s often helped to put my own little problems in some sort of perspective… At least I’ve never had to deal with even half the stuff some of my characters have. Finding money to pay my phone bill seems child’s play in comparison!

I’m even starting to do the whole ‘seducing others to the Dark Side’ bit, taking my younger male cousin with me to gaming conventions. It was at one of these conventions a little more than a year ago that I had a discussion with the DM of a Greyhawk game we had played in. It went something like this:

DM: So, what are you doing at a gaming convention?
Me: Err… I’m a gamer. Why? Did I play that badly?
DM: Not at all. It’s jut unusual to see an unaccompanied young female here. Most of the women here are either much older or are here with their partners.
Me: *shrug* My partner won’t have anything to do with something like this. So I brought my cousin instead to get him into role-playing.
DM: Ah, right…

Sad, but true. I’m sure there are lots of women out there who are interested in role-playing for its own sake but feel put off because of its status as a ‘mostly male’ pastime. I certainly don’t blame one side or the other for this, it’s just how things are. But it would be nice to see a change in the situation.

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